dinner

corn and red pepper quinoa, baked egg plant with feta, green salad, lemony salmon, blueberry lemon bars

i love to cook.

oof, trains.

I love trains. What I mean to say is this: I love trains so much that if a train was a man, I would probably make that train my boyfriend.
I know that sounds strange, but let me explain further:

1. Punctuality
a. Trains are usually/always on time. Even American trains most always manage to meet you when they say they're going to.
b. When trains do not manage to arrive on time, the train conductor [a person who fulfills a role analogous to that of the human brain/oral orifice] always has a good excuse. Instead of verbally fumbling for ten minutes to find an "adequate" excuse [adequate excuses DO NOT include: I overslept again, I was hungover again, etc.], he or she usually emerges with a clear reason for said lateness including and mostly limited to: there was unforeseen construction and/or someone attempted to end their life by jumping onto the train tracks [usually, this happens only in Germany, where the majority of the suicidal populace chooses mutilation by train tracks as their desired life end, a fact which never ceases to surprise me.]

2. Cleanliness
a. Most trains I have ever been on are clean. Clearly, this does not apply to most boys who one speaks to. Even if they purport to be clean, they are usually lying.

b. I am the first to admit that the cleanliness of train bathrooms can leave something to be desired. But the great thing about train bathrooms is that, unlike plane bathrooms [which can falsely seem clean] train bathrooms are most probably clean of the fluids of mile-high club participants. My reasoning on this point: trains, unlike planes, are not smooth riding. There are turns and bumps along the way. This makes it extremely difficult for people to 'get it on' in trains. I may be in the minority here, but this fact relieves me. I have seen couples emerge from plane bathrooms and let me just tell you: GROSS GROSS GROSS. There is a time and a place, my friends. And that is definitely not in a bathroom. ANYWHERE.

3. Trains are upfront about their problems
a. Sometimes trains break down, but this is something we are all aware of. Trains do not have emotions. We all know this, because trains do not pretend otherwise. Trains also do not have Mommy issues. I could go on here, but you get the picture.

4. This one is not a metaphor
a. I just really like the seats on trains, because they are cuddly and comfortable. I especially enjoy window seats with tables attached. They have outlets and pretty views.

5.aose8-jcdsnklk
Oops,we just hit a bump [THANK GOD FOR BUMPS].

I guess I have finally shown myself to be the finicky, bitchy person who I really am. Now I think it may be clear why I prefer this blog to be readable only by a select few. This way, I can minimize the impact of my sarcastic side.You can go ahead and judge me, but I will leave you with this thought: everyone's a hater sometimes, so in life, try not to hate on the hater.

[OMG I've always wanted to say that].

COMING SOON:
a list of everything I want to accomplish in my life. Things might get a little snarky. Get ready....